As a Love Life Coach, I see all the hot mess disasters. Both men and women complain about how dating over 40 absolutely sucks. Many decide to date younger which only leaves them with their heads spinning, bank accounts draining and nodding off at their desks after being out the night before til 3am. Why can’t the over 40 crowd get it together? Here are 5 reasons people over 40 suck at dating.
- They have more baggage than Kennedy Airport at Christmas.
Separated? Divorced? Living in the apartment over the garage so they can still have dinner with the kids? Kids every other weekend? Pick up the kids? Drop off the kids? Aging parents? No work? Too much work? These people are middle aged and with that comes a whole lot of obligation. When you finally nail them down to meet for a date guess what the conversation will be alllll about. How they were running late because their psycho ex forgot to tell them the pool guy was coming the next morning at 7am. Too… much… baggage.
- They think they’re too old.
What is it about people who hit 40 and decide that they are too old to play mini golf, run through the sprinklers, eat carbs or ice cream, exercise, stay up past 9pm and whatever other foolish tales they tell? When people think they are too old, they start to notice aches, pains and illness; a side effect of a boring hum drum life of victimhood. When someone is 43 and they say they’re too old, keep moving. They think you’re old too and if you’re a young 40-something, these people will drain you.
- They have arrested development.
On the other side of the pendulum are the people who were last single in 1998, before smart phones and social media and high speed Internet. Emotionally, they’re 46 going on 24. They regressed. They were married for 15, 20 years and when single again; they revert back to their 20’s. This is when you see the 46-year-old woman doing shots with her 32-year-old fitness trainer from the gym who asks her to “hang out.” This is also when you see the 48-year-old guy in a fuck fog handing over his Amex card so his 26-year-old girlfriend can have a new Chanel bag. Bro, you realize she’s not really your girlfriend right?
- They’re needy, clingy, clueless and desperately fear dying alone.
When you’re 44 and standing alone in your kitchen eating dinner over your sink on a Saturday night, it hits you. Everyone is out doing their thing, and you are all alone. You’re Netflix and chillin with the dog or cats, again, and wonder how long it would take for someone to find you if you died right there in your kitchen. You think to yourself, “what if I choked? Who would save me? No one!” Finally you meet someone interesting and you’re analyzing their every text, waaaay overthinking your response, reading into everything they say and trying to be who you think they want. Your energy is as thick as a turtle neck sweater in July and it’s a massive turn off.
- They’re set in their ways.
Perhaps they were never married. Maybe they came close in their 30’s, but it didn’t work out. Maybe they decided to dedicate their lives to their careers and believed love wasn’t for them. Whatever the reason, these 40-somethings have been single so long they can’t even imagine sharing their personal space with another human. They like their brand of dish-soap and always do their errands on Saturday’s because when else can they go to the post office, dry cleaners, car wash, hair salon, dentist and whatever else they have on their hamster wheel list of life? They don’t want to be hassled and think anything that requires them to get out of their comfort zone is disrupting their peace. Compromising is not an option.
What can we learn from all this? Well, for people in their 40’s they have two choices. Change what isn’t working or stubbornly keep doing what they’re doing expecting a different result. I suggest they getting clear about they want, start believing they can have it and do whatever it takes to get the hell out of their own way. I want them to be ok with wherever they are in life and bless all the bullshit that got them to where they are now. I want them to finally commit to healing and stop bringing their broken ass selves to dates wasting everyone’s time and money. I want them to stop making others responsible for their happiness. I want my fellow Gen X’ers to finally learn how to love themselves and from that powerful place, to open themselves up to love others.
About Lisa Concepcion:
Lisa Concepcion, Certified Professional Dating & Relationship Transformation Expert and Founder of LoveQuest Coaching™ specializes in helping people transform their love lives within 90 days beginning with self-love, the most important love there is. Through her programs rooted in the Law of Attraction, Lisa quickly empowers people to clearly define the relationship they want then helps them to adopt the mindset necessary to manifest and maximize it. Lisa is a recognized life coach specializing in dating, relationships, self-love, break-ups and divorce with the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching, endorsed by the International Coaching Federation. She’s based in Miami Beach and serves as a dating and relationship expert to the masses by conducting sessions remotely via video conference to help people worldwide.