11 Expert Tips for Enhancing Intimacy in Your Relationship
Every relationship requires intimacy for it to be successful, but it’s important to remember that connecting with your partner goes beyond just being physically intimate with each other.
Intimacy is a multi-layered aspect of your relationship that needs constant work in order for it to work in the long run.
It takes two to make a relationship work successfully, and in this article, we highlight 11 ways to help build intimacy between you and your partner. This will not only help strengthen your bond but also help create meaningful moments between you two and aid with better communication skills.
Why intimacy is important in a relationship
Working on your intimacy strengthens the bond of your relationship and get down to the serious emotions and feelings that will help you build a lasting life together.
If you are planning on getting married or starting a family together, enhancing your relationship’s intimacy will help you both understand each other and make sure that you’re on the same page when it comes to decision-making and remaining strong in the face of adversity. Pre martial preparation courses are a great way to create important agreements as a couple prior to marriage and are highly recommended.
1. Investing in coaching or therapy
Some relationships come with a lot of baggage that either one of you may not know how to adequately deal with. If this baggage isn’t confronted when things are starting to get serious, then it can turn into a big blockade that will prevent you two from moving forward.
It is at this time that you might want to consult a professional to help unravel the knots in your relationship. Working with a relationship coach who specializes in helping people to make peace with their past so they can thrive in their current relationships will help you get a better understanding of each other.
It is healthy to have this deep understanding of one another, it will help you understand the hurdles that you need to overcome together in order to reach the future you both want.
2. Spending time talking deeply with each other
How well do you actually know your partner? Chances are what you know may just be surface-level information that doesn’t reflect their real wants and desires. To overcome this, section off time in your day to talk with each other - not just ‘how was your day’ type conversations.
Have deep conversations that touch on topics of what you want and expect from each other - especially if the relationship progresses. This way you both won't be taken by surprise when one partner expresses serious life-changing topics like wanting to have children while the other doesn’t - this can end up being a serious deal breaker.
Also venture into topics of living together, splitting finances, family matters, and most importantly, discussing boundaries that you want to establish with each other.
Learning high conscious communication skills serves as an important foundation to a relationship and raises your chances that your relationship will survive trough inevitable challenges.
3. Engage in parallel play
This is an activity that was inspired by how toddlers interact with each other. It is also a great way for adults in a relationship to connect with each other without directly interacting.
Basically, parallel play is when people are physically in the same room but are focusing on individual tasks. This shows that you are present with them and providing comfort with your presence, despite not engaging with them.
The best way to explain this type of interaction is by a couple spending time together in the same room, while one partner is knitting while the other partner is reading. This type of activity is especially great if you have widely different hobbies, but still want to spend time together.
Essentially you are showing independence and not relying on your partner to engage in the same activity as you. However this doesn’t mean that you sit in silence, you can talk with each other, you’re just not doing the same activity.
4. Exchange daily affirmations
Hearing the right words at the right times is a sentiment that can move a person to tears. You never know what hardship the next person is going through - and this includes your own partner. Often saying kind words to your partner can be a mood booster that they need to take on the day.
It shows that you support and care for your partner, and enthusiastic encouraging words can make a huge difference - it can give them confidence or help allay fears and anxiety they might be having. Remember, it costs nothing to be kind.
If you struggle to communicate and openly express your wants, needs, desires and dreams it’s time to seek support. Communication is truly the foundation for all intimacy.
5. Be both spontaneous AND plan dates
The key is to work balance in your relationships, you can do spontaneous activities as well as plan out thoughtful dates for your partner - and encourage them to do the same. Every so often, you can surprise your partner with a spur-of-the-moment outing that they would like. For example, wake up one morning and take a drive out, visit nearby hotspots, and eat out at a restaurant you haven’t tried yet. Or you can visit some local tourist attractions that you haven’t gotten around to enjoying yet - just have a full day of fun.
In addition to that, take some time to think out and curate planned dates. You can think about places you and your partner both love and spend an afternoon at this special place. Alternatively, plan a picnic or a day at the beach, so that you can spend quality time together.
6. Listen to your partner’s troubles
Every day naturally won’t be a good day, but when those days come about, be the shoulder for them to lean on. When your partner is expressing to you their discomfort in anything, be it their day at work, behavior they would like for you to alter, or even about boundaries they set up for themselves should be understood, and confirm that you listen to them and respect them.
In turn, they should extend the same kindness to you, and be there for you when you need to vent or express yourselves. This is an extension of communicating effectively with each other.
7. Spend time away from each other
Spending time with your partner is increasingly important as this is the key to building intimacy, but you also need to live independently from each other. This is so that you don’t build up a pattern of codependency and destructive reliance on each other. Having a life outside or away from each other can be beneficial, it helps you grow and be independent.
Focusing on personal development and self care is the best way to improve yourself. Then when you reconnect with your spouse, you are full of energy and feel great about yourself.
8. Perform acts of kindness
This is similar to exchanging words of affirmation - but rather through physical actions instead. It shows that you are kind to your partner, and this doesn’t mean doing chores once in a while. You need to be genuine in your actions and get them something they have wanted for a while for example - such as rare flowers that they have been eyeing for a while, cook them their favorite meal, or make them a cup of coffee or tea when they need it.
9. Practice non-sexual touches
While physical intimacy is important in a relationship, not all intimacy needs to be sexual in nature. Spend time touching each other platonically. When you spend time together rather hold hands when you are out, hug or cuddle when watching TV - simple acts like that.
10. Be supportive of each other
Showing support and encouragement for your partner’s ventures is more impactful than you think. It shows that you have confidence in them, their skills, and their ideas.
However, not everything your partner does might feel like a good idea to you, the key is to express your concerns kindly and be supportive of them. If things go pear-shaped, be there for them to get back up and try again.
11. Reminisce with each other
Every once in a while, it is good to remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place. Look back at memories that made you fall in love with each other. Revisit the place where you had your first date or when you first said ‘I love you’ to each other. It will help rekindle the romance.
Wrapping up
Building relationship intimacy with your partner is an important tool for a long-lasting relationship. It will help you understand each other better, and help you overcome struggles thanks to better communication skills that you can develop through deepening your intimacy with each other.
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