Are You Truly Ready for A Relationship? Here's How to Tell
This is an incredibly important question to ask yourself. Are you truly ready for a relationship? How can you tell if you are truly ready for a relationship? The vast majority of people just stumble into a relationship with someone they randomly meet either on line or perhaps on social media or maybe (and rarely) in person.
Before I launch into this, let me begin by telling you that I’m a Certified Professional Life Coach who helps TypeA people who struggle with love. I coach so many people who come to me saying they want a relationship but that doesn’t mean they are ready for one.
There are many questions to work through and these are a few that I present to my clients. Then we start to work through them and others.
Are you truly ready for a relationship? Ask yourself these questions.
Do you have the time to give to another person at this time in your life?
So many people like the idea of a relationship but then they aren’t available for the other person. Get a clear sense of your day-to-day schedule and get very real about whether or not you are truly available. Most of the people I coach are TypeA professionals who are often overworked and under loved. If you are working 50, 60, 70 hours per week, you may want to explore why.
Many people have false beliefs about work. They think if they work more hours they will get recognition. Many don’t have work boundaries. They don’t have anything going on outside of work so all they do is work. Others have dysfunctional and even toxic work environments. They want a relationship but, they are in the middle of massive work burnout.
A lot of people think they will reduce their focus on work when they meet that great person to be in a relationship with. In order to attract this ideal person, you need to have room in your life for them.
If you have a manageable schedule, find yourself doing a lot of fun things alone or with friends and enjoy free time, check this off the list of criteria telling you that you may be ready for a relationship.
2. Are you over your ex? I mean, really over your ex.
Do not think that you can use someone to get over someone else. That’s relationship hopping and it’s a characteristic of codependency. If you recently ended something serious; something that impacted you, a relationship that made a significant mark, perhaps a marriage or long term relationship, allow time to be on your own. Doing a 90 day post break up detox will help you get over them and do the deeper healing necessary before entering a new relationship.
So many people feel sad and lonely then end up attracting narcissists and toxic manipulators who will see them as wounded prey. Always enter a relationship when you are feeling great and confident about your life, not when bored or lonely.
If you are totally unattached, are at peace with your exes (and no you don’t have to be friends with them), then check this off the list.
3. Is your money and career on point?
This is important. Many people who are unemployed or in career transition try to distract themselves with a relationship. Enter a relationship when you are feeling secure, self reliant and confident. If you’re job hunting or in the middle of a massive upheaval with your business, or simply have a financial or professional goal you would like to reach, allow yourself the time to achieve these things.
You want to bring your best version of yourself to the table. You don’t have to be perfect, no one is, however, being in debt and jobless isn’t a good situation when dating.
Oftentimes people who have deeper unresolved issues will find that their careers are a struggle. This happened to me. When I was separated from my husband my career suffered. I was so disconnected from myself that I was unclear about what I wanted to do professionally. I was unfulfilled and looking to be rescued.
Once I went through my own Post Divorce Detox, healed and transformed my life I decided to become a coach and reinvented my career. Now I help other people to do the same thing.
Trust me if I can do it so can you. It takes courage and commitment. Set the goal and do not lose focus of it.
4. Are you mentally healthy and do you love yourself?
Codependency is an epidemic. In 2015, after my divorce, I committed to healing my codependency. Codependency is when we derive our value and worthiness from others and tether ourselves to others with the mindset that says, “if they are ok and giving me their attention, then I am good.”
Codependent people don’t know how to love themselves. They need others to love them to prove they are good.
Other common mental issues that will absolutely interfere with relationships are depression, bipolar disorder and PTSD. There are many others of course but these are the most popular.
People who love themselves know how to be an advocate for themselves and establish and adhere to healthy boundaries. If this is a challenge for you you’ll notice that you’ll have relationship patterns. You show up the same way as if some other version of you is running the show when it comes to relationships.
If you seem to always attract the same types, or struggle to attract anyone, there’s an opportunity for you to love up on a wounded part of you who has been programmed to thing a certain way that limits you when it comes to relationships.
Perhaps you were betrayed and have trust issues? Or maybe you are confident when it comes to work but not so much when it comes to relationships. Mastering yourself and learning to be your truest love is the best thing to do.
5. Do you have an autonomous adult relationship with your parents or are they still running your life?
I often coach people between the ages of 30 and 60. I am amazed at how many have narcissistic parents with non existent boundaries; grown adults giving way to much power to their parents.
If you haven’t fully stepped into adulthood and regress into that 12 year old every time your parents are around criticizing you or guilt tripping you, this is a signal you have massive healing to do.
All of your relationships will either be with someone who embodies the same traits as the parent you have the most to resolve with.
I hep people step into their adult selves and handle narcissistic parents and re-learn how to communicate with them and set boundaries. In extreme cases, some clients have such toxic relationships that they choose to limit interaction.
There are many more questions which I go deeper on in my Dating with Power & Purpose and Self Love Mastery One on One programs. When people sort themselves out they see how who they attract changes for the better.