Why Do People Attract Narcissists in the First Place

Back in 2015 I asked this very question. “Why do people attract narcissists in the first place.” After my own run in with someone commonly characterized as mentally maladjusted, masters of manipulation; I had to know, what was it in me that made me a match to them?

When I looked at the mess my life had become in 2015, and cherry on top being my questioning my ability to keep myself safe from narcissists, I dug into researching them.

This was the first step in what would be my Narc Detox, the radical transformation of my life, how I show up in relationships mainly the relationship I have with myself.

There’s a lot out there on narcissism and most of it focuses on the characteristics of the narcissist.

That’s the thing, when you’re find yourself in the toxic drama of a relationship with a narcissist, you make researching them your main hobby. It’s a dark deep rabbit hole and if you’re not careful, you’ll become an expert in narcissism while still in the relationship being abused.

Or… you’ll be stuck obsessing about the narc long after he’s dumped you for new supply. Their life goes on while yours remains stagnant.

When I started to Google search what had happened to me I had no idea what to even search for. He basically broke up with me via phone then there was a coldly written, and I mean ZERO emotion, babble email, then nothing. No reply to any subsequent messages.

What he did is referred to as discarding. It’s basically when the narc uses you for their own purpose then when they don’t need you anymore or get their main source of “narcissistic supply,” they toss you aside like a used fabric softener sheet.

So back to the question… what makes someone a match or even a target for narcissists. Knowing this changed my life.

Narcissists target empaths and codependents.

Let’s say there’s an Oreo cookie of dysfunction. The cookie part is the codependent and the narcissist and the empath or codependent and the creamy middle is the dysfunctional dynamic that the empath and codependent get addicted to.

Empaths and codependents are givers, narcissists are takers. One leads the other follows in this dance of dysfunction and toxicity.

Empaths and codependents typically have loose boundaries, lack self love, have the backbone of a linguini and are more concerned with being adored and approved of that they acquiesce to others.

Sprinkle in some child hood trauma, emotional neglect, a sense of unworthiness, perhaps a narcissistic parent, the empath or codependent may as well wear a T shirt with a bullseye on it carrying a sign that says, “pick me, pick me.”

What can be done? How can one no longer be a match to narcissists?

When I asked the game-changing question, “what is it in me that attracted this,” the universe opened up the path to my self discovery, awareness, and healing. I dove deep into the work of Abraham Hicks, Louise Hay, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Dr. Margaret Paul, Tony Robbins, plus invested in my own self care with energy healers, a nutritionist and a therapist. Over 8 months I invested about $5000 in my own healing and Self Love Mastery. You need to commit fully to yourself and invest time (and yes, money) into your healing and transformation.

Studying the Law of Attraction is the key.

One of the most empowering parts of my NarcDetox journey back to myself came from diving deep into universal laws mainly The Law of Attraction.

Since 2015, I’ve dedicated over 1400 hours to the study and application of the Law of Attraction specifically for getting over a breakup.

I teach others how to use this law to help them shift depression, panic, PTSD, anxiety simply by mastering thought, obliterating limiting beliefs. The more we talk about the narcissist and focus on them, their behavior and what they are doing the more of a magnet we remain to their kind.

Like attracts like. So if you want to be certain you’ll never attract a narcissist again, focus on the kind of partner you want and how you want to feel in a relationship.

Connecting with your Inner Child and traumatized versions of you teaches you how to love yourself.

What if you can go back into a time machine to the moments in life where you needed love, support, comforting and validation the most but never got it and… then give it to yourself.

What if you knew how to speak to yourself as your truest love and best friend.

Master your self talk and you will master your whole life.

Our inner conversation manifests out outer world. Let that sink in.

If you’re miserable right now, lying in bed Googling “Why Did I Attract a Narcissist” or “Why do I Attract Narcissists,” found yourself reading this article I assure you it’s because when you were little someone you trusted to love and care for you didn’t in the way you needed. They somehow made you feel that your opinions, feelings and well being wasn’t important.

Whatever went on all roads pointed to you feeling like you had to be good because you were bad.

This is the root to pluck. Once you do, you’re free.

Otherwise you’ll continue to seek love outside of yourself and will attract another charming narcissist as you yet again refuse to take action and leave at the first red flag.

From victim to self loving badass. Raise your energy level and change who you attract.

The cool thing here is that you can heal, you can transform and you can meet an amazing person who will respect you and adore you. First you must respect and adore yourself.

Everything is energy and yours is way way wayyy down. This is a time for massive self care. This is the time to take yourself off of every dating app, commit to no dating and no sex with anyone and absolutely ZERO contact with the narcissist.

If you are co-parenting with a narcissist get support immediately. I help people set up strategies, communication tracks and scripts even help them send text messages to their narcissistic ex they are coparenting with to ensure boundaries are respected and their narcissistic tactics fall flat.

What do you do from here?

Well if you found this understand that Law of Attraction brought you here, you are loved by God and the Universe and are divinely guided. When you were crying and said, “oh God make this go away, it hurts so bad,” this is what the universe served up… this article on this website written by someone who once was right where you are, unable to sleep, think straight, focus, drained, sad, scared, confused but with this little flicker of light inside.

Tap into that light and ignite it by taking action. Click here for a Free Love Life Assessment done by me Lisa Concepcion, Certified Professional Love Life Strategist Coach and creator of the Narc Detox.

Put the focus off of them and onto you and let’s get you whole, healed and happy.