How do we go from being in love to being in a downward spiral in a long-term relationship? When we start off with someone we get along great, value him or her, grow to trust him or her, bond in friendship, have great sex and decide to create a life together. You’re all in committed and then over time things go off the rails and leave your head spinning and your heart heavy. If you found this article because you are up searching the internet desperate for some clarity and solutions understand that the universe responds to our asks. Here are key things that end long term relationships and what to do to save your relationship.
1. You stop appreciating one another and you start to pay attention to faults.
Disagreements are normal in any relationship. When we have different points of views we can learn expand and grow by seeing another way to look at things. It’s not so much about what the disagreements are about but the tone and energy in which they are discussed. That said, when you stop appreciating one another for being unique individuals and start to pay attention to faults you will build a momentum to attract more faults in your partner. Like attracts like. What you focus on manifests. When you appreciate your partner you evoke more things in them to appreciate. You then raise the entire vibe of your partnership. You elevate. Try keeping a notebook on the kitchen counter and write down the things you appreciate about your partner. Some people have a tough time speaking their feelings at first. Sharing “love notes” is a fun easy way to acknowledge what you appreciate in your partner.
2. You are not handling extended family as a couple or as a unified front and a team.
Disagreements about extended family are a very common issue that may drive a wedge between couples if not approached as a solid unified front. The key is that you both act as a team working to solve whatever “issue” comes. If parents and siblings are making demands or are not respecting your boundaries as a couple, then it’s important to hold true to what works for you as a couple.
3. You are nagging and bickering over chores being completed.
Another big issue that leads to arguments and eventually erosion of long-term relationships are chores, which really has a simple solution. Hire help! Cleaning services aren’t only for the wealthy. Pick your battles and delegate what you don’t want to do yourselves. If you don’t mind laundry and vacuuming but hate scrubbing floors, toilets and bathtubs write a list of the chores you both don’t want to do. Then hire someone to clean your home once or twice per month as you maintain it the rest of the time. If you have children put them to work and require them to clear the dinner table, rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher.
4. You entered the relationship for the wrong reasons to begin with.
People tend to enter relationships for the wrong reasons. Many people are “tired of the dating scene” or “tired to coming home to an empty home.” So their reason for a relationship becomes one about filling a void. This sets up the trap of a codependent relationship and conditional love. The reason people “grow apart” is because they are making the other person responsible for their own happiness. We are always changing so what we want changes. This is why when we are fully responsible for our own happiness and love ourselves first, best, most and always, we bring a complete whole, happy person with much to give to a relationship and not just take.
Every couple I work with gets into trouble because they love conditionally meaning they need their partner to behave a certain way to make them happy. No one is put here to make anyone happy. The happier we make ourselves the better we are for each other. Are you fully healed from a previous relationship? Are you committed to your own personal growth? What are you doing to enrich yourself? If you want a positive relationship rooted in respect, peace and joy, then you must first cultivate these things within yourself.
So what is the secret to a successful long-term relationship?
Love yourself first, most and always and take 100% responsibility for your happiness. Also, set an intention to always operate from a place of respect, compassion, love, and trust. What we focus on we create more of, good or bad so focus on the positive aspects of your partner to evoke more of them. When you focus on what irks you about them, your attention to those things will heighten and you will attract more of that. When you mind your manners, say please, thank you and acknowledge all the positive qualities that strengthens the bond. Gratitude and appreciation for one another is key. Be a team!
If your long-term relationship is a little off or struggling don’t delay. Take action! Don’t think it’s just a phase. This is an opportunity to look at the issue, to look at the relationship and work on handling whatever is going on. Most likely there’s a communication issue and a lack of mutual respect. The last thing you want to do is to drift apart where you just exist in the relationship ripe for another person to enter the picture, which only leads to drama.
I help couples learn how to communicate more effectively, establish healthy boundaries and set goals. Once these 3 things are handled, the couple transforms. Click here and tell me what’s going on and how I can help.
About Lisa Concepcion:
Lisa Concepcion, Certified Professional Dating & Relationship Transformation Expert and Founder of LoveQuest Coaching™ specializes in helping people transform their love lives within 90 days beginning with self-love, the most important love there is. Through her programs rooted in the Law of Attraction, Lisa quickly empowers people to clearly define the relationship they want then helps them to adopt the mindset necessary to manifest and maximize it. Lisa is a recognized life coach specializing in dating, relationships, self-love, break-ups and divorce with the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching, endorsed by the International Coaching Federation. She’s based in Miami Beach and serves as a dating and relationship expert to the masses by conducting sessions remotely via video conference to help people worldwide.