Why Therapy Isn’t Working and What to Do
Here’s Why Therapy Isn’t Working for You
If you’ve been in and out of therapy for years and therapy just isn’t working for you, this article will explain something most therapists will not admit.
Therapy mostly diagnoses a problem but, more often than not, it does not provide the tools to actually shift, change and experience forward movement in life.
My clients come to me confused saying they have been doing therapy for years and they don’t understand why they remain stuck and frustrated. “Lisa, I know why I am the way I am but I can’t stop. What’s wrong with me?”
This is the common dilemma for people who feel therapy isn’t working. So what’s the missing piece?
I’ll explain by sharing my own experience.
I’m a Certified Professional Life Coach and back in 2015, I went to therapy after my divorce.
I learned within the first two sessions that I was a “classic codependent” and highly attuned to the people around me so much so that being alone; especially during life’s challenges, was unbearable.
Therapy also helped me to understand that the origins of my coping strategies in relationships (and other areas of my life) were due to unresolved childhood wounds.
I decided to seek therapy because when my ex husband said that he couldn’t see how we could work as a couple any longer, I was emotionally obliterated, gutted. Something happened in my psyche and it immediately affected my nervous system, and my psyche.
Anyone who is codependent understands the emotional gutting that happens when there is a significant loss.
So what did I do? Typical of codependents, I jumped into another relationship. I was love bombed and trauma bonded with a highly narcissistic man.
I was able to take my focus off of my own issues and try to fix him and show him my value and worth. I’d be better for him than his ex and he'd be better for me than mine. This was part of the illusionary, fantasy thinking that codependents sink into to justify their poor decisions and avoid their fear of being alone.
When this “rebound relationship” narcopath left me to go back to his ex-girlfriend who he vilified for 5 months, I was sent into an emotional spiral.
This man projected the relationship he wanted with his ex, onto me. He was mentally unwell. Loads of trauma. Loads of narcissism. Yet, I needed to believe everything he said and that he would lift me up out of my despair.
This inability to be alone, to cope, to self soothe is one of the many symptoms of codependency.
I couldn’t eat. I lost 13 pounds in about 2 and a half weeks. I had developed PTSD and it manifested as food aversions. My stomach locked.
I’d also have sleep panics. I'd be sleeping soundly and then Id’ suddenly wake up crying, unable to breathe.
This was what inspired me to seek a therapist.
My therapist diagnosed me as a classic codependent. This is what therapists do. They tell you what is wrong and why but oftentimes, they miss the mark on the next step.
I have a theory that because therapists accept medical insurance (unlike Life Coaches), it benefits the therapist to have patients come in week after week, month after month and then years go by. They get to file their insurance claims. That gives them a stable steady income.
But the patient doesn’t advance and change. It’s just more analysis, going over the past again and again. Then in an hour time’s up and you don’t speak to the therapist again for another week or two, or even, for some people another month.
There is an next step and thankfully more and more people are investing in their personal development, mental and emotional health by hiring a Certified Life Coach.
After my therapist told me about codependency, that it was basically a chronic lack of self love, an external existence, with an excessive need for approval, validation and affirmation from others, and that it is rooted in childhood trauma, neglect and simply not being loved as needed, I got to work researching further.
Therapy alone wasn’t going to cut it. I instinctively knew this and I was a foodie who would write blogs about the Miami Beach Food scene. So I needed to get my appetite back and handle what was up with these awful food aversions. I wanted relief and decided to set the intention to be alone and heal for 90 days.
I called it the 90 Day Divorce Detox.
I didn’t know this at the time but I started Life Coaching myself.
Therapy alone, simply won’t advance you.
Therapy will definitely provide clarity and a whole lot of self analysis, which is important.
But… therapy without new self agreements, new behaviors to apply the knowledge on a practical, day to day basis, keeps people stuck.
If therapy isn’t working for you, and the universe led you to this article, pay attention to these divine occurrences and take action.
Based on my personal experience, and the way I approached my own mental and emotional healing and what I have seen in my clients for the past 7 years, true healing takes place when people commit to the following things.
Therapy, to gain a clear understanding of why they are the way they are and how the cause of it.
Life Coaching for solid mindset shifts that deconstructs old beliefs and self perceptions and builds new more empowering beliefs which lead to new personal agreements and actions that create a better, more fulfilling life.
Continued inner work and self care through books, courses, podcasts, YouTube videos and other readily available content.
If you’ve done therapy, great! You’re ready to put all you learned into action. Take the next step and within 6 to 12 weeks you’ll get the results you’ve been looking for all along.
If you’ve reached this point of the article click here to connect with me directly and let’s get you moving forward.
Click here to check out my TikToks (@LisaTheLoveCoach1a) Instagram (@lisathelovecoach), and to join my Self Love Club Facebook Group.
You can also book a session and get your free LoveLife Assessment here on my website.
Happy to help you get to the next level in your life.