Heal Narcissitic Abuse With These 3 Steps
I’m a Certified Professional Life Coach and I help people heal and reinvent themselves after narcissistic abuse. There are really 3 steps to healing from narcissistic abuse and I included a detailed timeline for how long to stay in each step so that you don’t linger too long in the dark well and emotional turmoil that comes with being in a relationship with a narcissist.
I typically coach people who realize they are in a toxic relationship, want out and need support and strength to leave.
I also coach people who have already left (or were discarded) and want to understand why this happened to them in the first place so they can heal it once and for all.
This article shares the with the 3 steps, or phases to healing from narcissistic abuse.
I see far far too many people stuck in Step One.
Step One: Understanding what narcissism is and how these psychopaths operate.
The internet is full of videos and memes and entire instagram feeds dedicated to understanding the narcissist.
Understanding how their mind works is an important part of the healing process however, people remain stuck in analyzing the narcissist.
They even take claim calling them “my narc,” which is energetic enmeshment. You may be physically done with the relationship but energetically you’re still very much connected through an energetic cord. It’s time to cut the cord.
Allow a month of educating yourself on what a narcissist is. You can start off with this article I wrote which explains why you attracted the narcissist in the first place.
This leads to…
Step Two: Turning the focus from understanding the narcissist to understanding why you were such perfect prey for them.
Narcissists are predatory. They target people with low self worth who are people pleasers and externally focused for affirmation, validation and love. This makes the codependent empath types the perfect “supply” for narcissists.
Once you start to focus on what makes you self abandon, lose trust in yourself, needy for external approval and get to the root of where this all began (usually childhood), then you can advance to step three.
Step Three: Doing the Work.
What is “The work?”
Well for me and my clients, “the work” consisted of new behaviors and new rules for life. It calls for being on your own, no dating, just self care, self analysis and the creation of new beliefs, new self perception and new agreements.
The work is about looking at how you have been thinking and behaving, and choosing to no longer do what doesn’t fulfill you.
The work is about ending escapism and self abandonment. No more self neglect.
The work is a commitment to take full responsibility for your life and finally heal the past wounds that detached you from your true self.
The work requires getting uncomfortable and super disciplined which is why working with a coach is necessary (in addition to therapy).
When I was simultaneously going through my recovery from narcissistic discard and the heartbreak of my divorce, I was in a deep dark emotional well. I had to climb my way out.
So I decided I would dedicate 90 days to myself. This meant I set a curfew of 10 pm weekdays, 1am on weekends and I was living on South Beach where people left to go out at 11 pm.
This in itself changed who I was hanging out with and what I started to do with my time. I wasn’t out escaping through partying and attention from men.
I was at home with my dog reading, doing assignments my coach at the time gave me and just being with myself and my inner children, the wounded versions of myself who desperately needed my attention, care, love, and discipline.
Inner child work is a gamechanger. I teach my clients exactly how to reconnect with and heal their inner child (children) as I did.
You don’t have to remain stuck in step on forever. Nor should you.
90 days. And… At the end of 90 days, I felt so great that I went another 30 days. I ended up with a new job, more ease and flow in my life, new friends and genuine joy in solitude.
I also had set new boundaries (I had none) and standards for the kind of man I would involve myself with.
When all was said and done, it took me from October to May to shift from codependent mess to an empowered, self loving adult.
Step one… understand what narcissism is, what narcissistic traits are. (month one)
Step two… understand what codependency is and self reflect and self analyze (month two)
Step three … begin to learn to heal, dig in, make new agreements with yourself, set new boundaries and learn to love yourself (month 3 and beyond…)
I have applied this 90 day process to my life and my clients have had tremendous success with this as well and so can you.
As a next step I suggest getting your free lovelife assessment or, if this resonated with you and you are ready to roll, schedule your 90 minute season with me.
Do not remain stuck commiserating over how awful the narcissist was to you.
All that you want in life is on the other side of this experience. It’s time to take action in creating the life you truly want instead of focusing on all that happened in the past which you can’t change.
To learn more about me and the work I do to help people recover and reinvent themselves after narcissistic abuse, click on the links provided and take action.
You can totally move past this and I can help you speed up the recovery process.
Scrolling through memes isn’t going to advance you towards being an empowered, self loving person who is no longer an energetic match to narcissists.
If you don’t want to attract this mess ever again and instead want to meet someone healthy and awesome, loving and kind then take action.
Click here to research more on how I help other people just like you.
Excited to connect. Greatness awaits you.
~Lisa